In her book, The Soul of Money, author Lynne Twist writes:
For me, and for many of us, our first waking thought of the day is “I didn’t get enough sleep.” The next one is “I don’t have enough time.” Whether true or not, that thought of not enough occurs to us automatically before we even think to question or examine it. We spend most of the hours and the days of our lives hearing, explaining, complaining, or worrying about what we don’t have enough of … Before we even sit up in bed, before our feet touch the floor, we’re already inadequate, already behind, already losing, already lacking something. And by the time we go to bed at night, our minds race with a litany of what we didn’t get, or didn’t get done, that day. We go to sleep burdened by those thoughts and wake up to the reverie of lack … What begins as a simple expression of the hurried life, or even the challenged life, grows into the great justification for an unfulfilled life.
I came across this passage while reading Brene Brown’s The Gifts of Imperfection and it really sung to me.
A big piece of my pride comes from my ability to stay busy – to keep my head down and work. I’m a very focused individual. When I put my mind to something, I know I can make it happen. This, I have found, can be both a blessing as well as a curse. The obligation to act weighs heavily upon me. And yet, I am always afraid of coming up short in the end. As a result, I am constantly training and practicing, training and practicing, training and practicing … for those of you that are familiar with the feeling, you might also know that you can get so caught up in the process that you forget about why you are training and practicing in the first place and, as a result, miss the show itself!
Part of my goal in the coming year is to make every day into a performance – to live in the here and now and be grateful for everything in it.
- I want to wake up every morning with gratitude and go to sleep every night with appreciation.
- I want to care much less about how “great” things look and more about how people are feeling.
- I want to be present in the lives of those physically around me and more aware of myself in the moment.
Most of all, though, I want to always feel like I am enough. That I do not need to necessarily do more or be more to feel successful or accomplished. And that what people think of me is not an accurate measure of self-worth. Only I can give my life true meaning and purpose.
So what do I think of myself right now, here in this moment? Do I care more about how I am being perceived than I care about being happy and at peace?
These are just a couple of the questions that I’d like to think about in the coming months as I continue my journey in great fullness.