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Full is a State of Being

I eat so much here it’s silly.

Some days, I purposefully skip lunch because breakfast was so big and I know that there is going to be a mountain of food waiting for me at dinner. 

On a couple occasions, I went to a friend’s place to eat after technical and went home to eat again. My belly could barely contain it all. Big mistake. Had to tuck some away under the table for the family dog.

I call him Curly.

He spends most of the morning sitting and staring contentedly at traffic flying by as I sip on my first cup of powdered coffee and write in my journal.

There are times when I wonder about what kind of existential thoughts run through the head of a dog and if mine are maybe similar in some way. Right now he’s busy barking at a dog that is walking by the front of our house and I’m busy typing up this blog post. Both of us feel the need to be heard in some seemingly needless way. And yet, I continue to click away with my fingers.

And yes, Curly is still barking.

Meal sizes have been rather excessive and the greng jai is real. I’ll scoop every last spoonful of rice into my mouth even if it makes me feel like throwing up a little bit inside. I’ve learned to turn questionable textures and tastes into mental challenges wherein I make myself believe they are delicious and savor every bite. We all have our small sacrifices to make and this is mine. I’ve set a precedence of finishing everything put in front of me and I am going to see it through to the end dammit. If I die, it won’t be of hunger … bring on the kanoms and ginormous portion sizes!

I can learn to live in a state of perpetual fullness.

This is where my old life dies and a new one begins. While I chew I will think of all the things for which I am thankful. Of the beauty of every passing moment, the people around me, and the work that has gone into making this meal possible. I’m going to stop and appreciate the little things and realize that I have more than enough. That happiness is a state of being and that how full of happiness I may feel does not always reflect the fullness of the situation. That everything that happens is an opportunity … And that it is almost 8:40 pm and I am still not done eating. I’ll never be done eating because there is just so much. So much to eat regardless of how full I am.

Hmm, I wonder where Curly is at.

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